Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Passing



It was four years ago today that my Dad passed on. I actually had to look at the death certificate earlier to believe that, even though I know it so well. It just seems both impossibly long ago and yet far too near. 


He was in my thoughts this past weekend where there was much in the air of endings and beginnings. How he would have loved the wedding. I did too. But today is not a day to tell you about that. Instead, I focused my energy this morning on giving a guided walk. I was grateful for it and the kindness of my guests. How solid it felt amidst all that is passing to stroll the streets of Arles, to share its beauty and history standing still under the bright light of noon. 

Now, I can rest. I'll pull the curtains into shade, the better to keep warm memories cupped between the hands of my heart.






More soon...

39 comments:

  1. Oh my, June (my mom) for me, July for you..... I right now writing about how June is the saddest month for me. It doesn't matter, 4 years, or 41, the world was changed both by their living and by their dying.

    And that shot of Kipling captures the mood here where the humidity is stupefying.

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    1. "The world was changed by their living and by their dying." So beautifully put, my friend.

      And Kipling was wiped out from being at Doggy Summer Camp but it sums up how I feel too.

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  2. Yes, it's tricky to hold both the sad and happy thoughts together! How he would have loved your blog. And as Ella and I are singing this cool "cup song" together, with great harmonies, I think how he would love/delight in it, too. And it's nice to to think of all the happy times, fun times, silly times! I send him love every day, but extra love today, and super, extra love to you, too.

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    1. Thank you Sister. I am sending it right back.

      And that made me tear up to think about Dad reading all of this. I agree, he would have loved it--just as he would have been so thrilled at the life you have built.

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  3. Oh, Heather....

    I'm a lucky (as ever)boy in that my father, at age 75, still married to my mother and living where I grew up in East Tennessee, is still quite lively. I talk to him everyday in fact.....sometimes twice per day (I work at home, so this easy & fun). We still get to have (and I regard this as a blessing) at least three or four arguments over politics per week. Just for the record?....I don't argue with folks whose opinions I don't respect.

    I should add that he's one of the three genuinely FUNNIEST people I've ever known....and my standards are ridiculously, I suppose, high. Call me spoiled.

    That said?...

    Yet another predictably evocative posting from you. Surely you know this song about a father? I hope you'll take it as a compliment that my suspicion is that you might be too young to recognize the song.

    go to:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsocZrEcp0Y

    Glad to hear you enjoyed your weekend. I'm one of those folks who sort of hates weddings (always WAY too many expectations regarding everyone's enforced "performance" and behavior), but who happen to have never come home from a funeralwithout thinking "That was lovely....so many good people to talk with...".

    Sincerely,

    David Terry
    www.davidterryart.com

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    1. Well, there were good people to talk with, dear David. It surprised me--you know how shy I am and yet it just worked. It was lovely. And very surprising for me who thinks I tend to know what all is to come. I would not have thought...
      And how wonderful to hear more about your Dad. It doesn't surprise me in the least that he was a funny, charming man but perhaps a bit as it seems to surprise you as you are the same, loved by so many...

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    2. mmmm....Heather?......my father is still quite presently-tensing. Quite a pain in the ass at times, albeit very smart and remarkably funny....but the tree never moves very far from where the apple has fallen, does it?

      ---davidr

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    3. Eeeee! "was"? Don't know where that came from but shiver me timbers that I wrote it!!! My apologies to you and certainly to your Dad!!!

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  4. In Korea and other countries, they perform ancestral rites on the anniversary but it is more like a buffet with family and friends visiting. So like n annual wake. I like to follow that tradition and have a great meal with beer in memory. Thoughts are with you x

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    1. Thank you, N. I love those ancestor traditions--it makes a lot of sense to me. I knew my Dad would have preferred me celebrating his life rather than his passing and tried to keep that in mind...

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  5. Hi Heather, this weekend on July 5th will be my dad's 10th anniversary and it seems like yesterday. I miss him and think of him every single day of my life.

    I send you a big hug.

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    1. Thank you so much, Sylvia. Sending it right back for the 5th.

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    1. Merci, George. Sending those xxx's to LA...

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  7. It really is earth shaking to have a parent die. Good wishes to you and your family.

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    1. Thank you, Mr. Laoch. I talked to my Mom and was in contact with my Sister and Uncle, so that was good.

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  8. "keep warm memories cupped between the hands of my heart."
    I think we are given the gift of memory to bring back the presence of loved ones after they are gone.

    My mother passed away 10 years ago this month.

    My father died when I was 2 years old. My father did not have a chance to hear me utter the word,dad.

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    1. But he heard you laugh and cry and be full of life.

      And I sometimes feel that way about memory when my Dad is in my dreams.

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  9. Heather (and others)? If you don't know this song about "Daddies and daughters, you sons and you mothers"?.....well....you SHOULD. It's beautiful and genuinely bittersweet (a word I use with great caution, but sincerity in this case).

    I particularly (and for obvious reasons) love the line "And stand right up there/That's the business of art". You, Heather, should also (given your experience in the theatre) also like that.

    go to:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85IxNVwpKrs

    ----david terry
    www.davidterryart.com

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    1. That is so beautiful, David but I couldn't finish it. Too hard. Another time, I promise.
      Bisous.

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  10. So beautifully said. Time seems so immaterial with regard to the magnitude of such things. 4 minutes, 4 years, 4 decades...it matters not in the sense of loss...but that time allows us more softness and sweetness in reflection, perhaps. x

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    1. You understand perfectly, Virginia. As always.

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  11. So, sorry...........I agree with your sister he would have loved your BLOG!

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    1. He would have been as supportive as you, for sure! I would love to hear how life is for you now that the shop is closed...?

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  12. The passing of time is an amazing thing. It wasn't until reading your blog that I gave thought to the actual date of losing my dad. With jarring clarity I realized it was this week - the time between our late June wedding anniversary and the Fourth of July. Obviously the passing of 23 years has taken the edge off the sad memories surrounding his death but the intervening years have only enhanced those wonderful dad/daughter memories. . .

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    1. I am sorry that I missed your wedding anniversary and am glad to hear that things soften with time, Jackie. The pain is still quite fresh for me.

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  13. Beautifully written, Heather. My heart overflows for you and for everyone that is carrying loss of some shape or kind. Life is so bittersweet. Sending love your way. XO

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    1. Sending it right back as you know how bittersweet it can be, dear Jeanne.
      Gros bisous,
      H

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  14. My heart goes with you Heather as I too have lost both my parents. I don't think we ever stop counting the days but I can smile at the sky knowing they're in a better place.

    Happy 4th to you!
    XXX
    Debra~

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    1. And to you, Debra!

      I can just picture you with DD at your side, looking up at that gorgeous sky near you. Wonderful.

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  15. Dear Heather, Your photos and the magnificent Amazing Grace transport us to a peaceful and lovely moment. You are a dear heart and your words flow from there. Such a beautiful tribute to your Dad. Lots of love to you.

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    1. And to you with your incredibly generous spirit. So right back at you, a hop over the land to Bandol. And thank you for the kind words, they are deeply appreciated.

      My dad loved Aaron Neville as well as "Amazing Grace" so that seemed to be the perfect choice. I thought that the images used were very positive as well, he would have liked that too. :)

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  16. Very beautiful and heartfelt, Heather.

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  17. Heather as one who knows, thank goodness the memories of a loved one so close never go away.

    This Amazing Grace is so beautifully sang!

    Love and Hugs,
    Karena
    2013 Designers Series

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  18. At first anniversaries are simply painful. Over the years, they are more bittersweet. Sending love.

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  19. A gentle reflection. Isn't it wonderful that our hearts have hands for the holding and safekeeping of our memories. Gallivanta

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    1. Yes. My memory is shaky but my heart is strong!

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