Thursday, May 17, 2018

Rising and falling like breath



"What is built up, what is torn down, what remains," I say to describe what interests me the most in my work. Patina. In the immediate, on the surface and in ourselves. Save that there is no work. I am not writing and these are the few photos taken with my new camera which was bought with such hope in my wings. I am too tired from my day job to create. I cannot find the words, as much as I would like to, and that makes me very nervous. Pacing-like. Save that life is not always simple, there is light always too amidst the shadows that ache, and so I can throw like a flare against the sky, four words:

I have met someone.

Yes. I know you are happy for me. I can feel some of you clapping your hands, or raising them to your lips in little prayer, an automatic gesture. And even in the knowing of that, I am blessed.

Because here is the thing. Even when love comes calling...in all its beauty beyond divine...I now know that my own well-being is up to me. I cannot only be alive within another's arms, even if I feel the comfort with a recognition that makes me cry. He is. And he is beautiful.  But it is for me to find my way forward. With him, without him. Or together. On we go, with what we build up, what we tear down, what remains. It is so complex and yet so simple. Rising and falling like a breath.




 

 

 



Let me know how you are. I miss you.


56 comments:

  1. Oh, Heather. It seems necessary to wish you a combination of congratulations (for the someone you have met) and courage (for the day job).
    I recently read an essay about whether a soul-sapping day job is part and parcel of becoming a real artist. Seriously.
    As for the someone you met, it is as if the rain has stopped and the skies have parted. May the beautiful flowers bloom.
    All in all, good news, no?

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    1. You are wonderful in this. I cleared out my spam tonight and mistakingly erased a comment from someone who said anonymously something along the lines of...this seems like good news and then it doesn't, again...my life is not linear and there is no clear fairy tale ending but I take the good with the "bad" as we all must. I am not sure what is ahead. If anything. To see...

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  2. And just when I couldn't stand the silence anymore, here you are! And with words and images about breathing and patina that, well, take my breath away. You are right, I am thrilled that you "have met someone,' but agree that we are all responsible for our own well being. Even in the midst of a 35-year marriage, I am still working on that.

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    1. Judith I love this comment as I love and respect you, friend. Namaste.

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  3. I share your happiness, Heather. So glad to read this post, as I was just thinking yesterday, it had been awhile since your last post. You sound cautious, yet optimistic & grateful. Sending best thoughts your way as you move forward in this relationship. Enjoy your job and the blessings of this new adventure!

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    1. Laura...it touches me so much to know that you had been thinking about me. Thank you, thank you...

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  4. I am indeed happy for you and hope you can find a way to be creative around this new relationship. As the French say “ courage” going forward . Best wishes.

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  5. Heather, I give you joy! Your insights expressed so beautifully here are deep, and they resound in me. You/we choose our attitudes and in doing that, we color our lives. Oui. Courage!

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  6. Dear Heather...so lovely to hear from you. If we could only marry earning a living with feeding a soul, life would be perfect. Happy you have met someone. I agree that only you are responsible for your happiness...baby steps! Hugs from the States, Angela Muller

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  7. Bon chance you dear thing you.....
    bonnie

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    1. I may still come knocking at your door yet, Bonnie...

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  8. Excellent, Rocket, Excellent! Float and enjoy within your new Love. Wishing you every happiness.

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    1. We shall see Bill. But I wish you the same always.

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  9. Very good to hear from you. Very happy for your new relationship. Much happiness to you.

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    1. Oh Daniel, it made me so happy to hear from you! I thought that you had stopped reading (well, what little there is to read) long ago. As always, your elegance of spirit shines through. Merci, monsieur.

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  11. Choose contentment, it lasts a long time.
    Great news.....
    Ali

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    1. I am hoping the same for you my beautiful Joan.

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  13. Well, that is wonderful news! Everyone deserves and needs companionship and nurturing.
    I agree with Judith Ross, even in a long term relationship, we are learning all the time. Not just about the other person, but about oneself. And it seems to me that you have forced yourself to re-evaluate yourself and grow.
    A step at a time...
    Cheers,
    Deborah - Melbourne

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    1. It is not a relationship yet, officially. We both have so little time. But yes. And thank you so much Deborah. xo

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  14. I missed you! The joy of life comes from within, you are a survivor Heather and you deserve much love. But more important, you love yourself!

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    1. I am working on that last one Maria. Still. And I just spoke about you the other day to the man that I mentioned here! xo!

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  15. “life is not always simple…I have met someone.”
    A beginning of a wonderful new story.
    To create then unfurl one’s life is exciting.

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    1. Edgar, I am always so grateful for your perspective. Thank you.

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    1. I miss you Judi and hope you are doing really well. love to you.

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  17. Hooray, hoping for many joyous years filled with absolute love, which you so deserve.
    Suzana x

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    1. It is just a beginning! Perhaps I should not have spoken about it yet? But I am happy and grateful. Thank you for your beautiful blessings.

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  18. you're right! I'm delighted for you! And, you're right that your own well being is your own responsibility. Onward and Upward! xoxo

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    1. Big, big inhalation and exhaltion. When are you coming?

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    2. Next year. Maybe for keeps. We just bought an apartment (which will be home base after retirement) and have a very sick cat, so this summer we are staying close to home. But next year MIGHT be my last season at the Met, and if that's the case we will be staying for good. I can't quite believe the time is coming!

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    3. Believe it!! Believe it!!! xoxox

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  19. Joy and happiness and bon courage. As others say, it's complex, you're working on it, good for you, and we are all so happy for you.
    As for whether words are flowing at the moment, dry spells happen. Don't worry overly, because sometimes the muse just needs a little time to rest and regroup.

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    1. Oh Emm, I know that I have already said it (maybe several times) but you always know exactly the perfect thing to say. Always. I am so scared that I will never find the space in my life to write and photograph as I had before. I hope to...

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  20. A busy day job will do that to you - keep you from the things you love to do. I am happy for you Heather and hope things will continue to go well.

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    1. Thank you friend. Things need to change. But they always do. So we shall see! bisous

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  21. I too am so happy for you. I have been following your blog for quite some time and wanted to write before but...unfortunately, not gifted in that area. Love your honesty Heather. Best wishes!

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    1. Oh I don't agree! The beauty of your kindness came through your words crystal clear for me. Thank you SO much for staying with me and still reading. It means more than I can say. xo

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  22. Hello Heather, Great to see your post today. I am thrilled to hear your good news and wish you happiness, creativity and love in all you do

    Helen xx

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    1. What beautiful wishes Helen. May I return them to you in kind...

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  23. Beautiful pictures, happy news. You complete you, but company is good :-)

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  24. So happy things are going well for you. I still check your posts and am always excited to see a new one! Love your words, pictures and the style in which you express yourself.

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  25. a poem from the sun and her flowers- by rupee Kaur -

    like the rainbow
    after the rain
    joy will reveal itself
    after sorrow

    ***

    enjoy the coming days/months

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  26. Enjoy the moment
    in all your layers
    Enjoy the love in shadow
    and light

    Until we read again.....
    Bernadette xo

    I love the nickname "Rocket"




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    1. Me too. He is pretty phenomenal, that Bill.

      I love what you wrote Bernadette. It is really right where I am at these days.

      Namaste

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  27. Congrats on both love and having a job! I recall those day-job years when I thought I would write 'after work' or 'before work' and the energy just wasn't there. Enjoy this phase though as it is another of life's gifts and should be savored. xxx

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  28. What happiness here ... shared by all of us. Travel has kept me way behind, but for good reason. I thought of you often as my camera and I strolled La Serenissima. <3 See you in September!

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