Monday, September 21, 2020

Two little circles


I have two little circles on the top of my thighs. 

It took me awhile to understand why they were there, like sombre dots in a Seurat painting.

Until I put my fingers to fill their place.

And I realised that I have been holding my body so tightly that this is what it creates.

Bruises. Two dark plum bruises. 

Of fear. Of desperation. Of clinging to my own body so much as a resource of faith.

And I am barely holding on. 

I am so tired.

And yet we do not have that luxury to lay down our heads. Not in the least.

I wonder of my elders, is this the exhaustion of vigilance when we are at war?

And what will it be if we fail?

That question is bitter, overripe on my tongue.

My fear is a pickpocket.

In our ignorance of what we actually can do or not, lies the vaccine that we need.

We are so used to everything being easy. This is not easy. 

Can we look for the answers? 

Can we be our own silent revolution before a violent one strikes?

I rub the taught muscles between my eyes and wonder.

My God, can that tiny sliver of a moon deliver us to where we need to go?



14 comments:

  1. My favorite line: "In our ignorance of what we actually can do or not, lies the vaccine that we need. Reminds me of the serenity prayer! And I like the idea of our own silent revolution - I think that can help a lot. Thanks for your beautiful words, your vulnerability, your truth.

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    1. I love your parallel to the Serenity Prayer, Sister! I love youuu.

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  2. My favoured line: “My fear is a pickpocket.”
    As though
    Quietly stealing valuable energy needed to sustain us.
    And yes the serenity prayer works for me.
    Love to all
    Bernadette

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    1. That is my favourite line too, Bernadette. Love back.

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  3. It's easy enough to say, but it took me a long time before I could put it into regular practice, and I'm still working on it: Breathe.
    Breathe in, breathe out, stay with the breath. Take one step, and then another. It won't solve the world's problems, but it does help your lungs relax. And your heart.
    I tell myself that we will get through this. And then I take another breath.
    Bisoux . . .

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    1. Hello dear Emm. Just within the past few days, I have been actually practicing more your advice. Just focusing on the breath to pull me out of my thoughts and back into the now. It truly does help. Thank you. Bisous

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  4. Dearest Heather, I would only mirror the truth you’ve sent me:” you are loved, you are loved, you are loved.” Thank You for sharing your humanness, it does help a lot to not feel alone in the universe. I’ve heard today that God, the Light or however you call it is always with you. We are actually never alone. One day in the hospital next to my place, I’ve read a beautiful parable: a man cries out to God seeing on a beach that whenever he felt good, there were 4 feet walking along each other, but when he was suffering, there were only 2 footprints on the beach:”O Lord, where were You when I most needed You?”
    Then he heard a voice coming from within, replying:”my Darling Love, it’s at theses moments that I was carrying you...”

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    1. I have heard that parable before but it makes me cry every time, my dear Shakti. I have your questions to respond to but know that you are in my heart and I am sending you all love.

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  5. Hello Heather! I can feel you, you are not alone!

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    1. My beautiful Maria. You are not either. I am so very, very grateful for you, always.

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  6. Dear Heather, as always, no matter what the subject, it is your poetry, your artist soul, that lifts me upward. That is MY answer (to myself) keep creating no matter what. I really do believe that when we bring our creative spark to the world, all of our sparks combine and fight evil. And when I forget, I only need to see your beauty and the beauty of those other creative and loving souls in my life - who also set off sparks- to be reminded of my place, my hope and my peace. Thank u for another moving post- it’s so needed and so appreciated 🧡🧡🧡🧡🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 xo

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    1. I truly agree with you Andrea. That our love and creativity - for creativity is just love in action - ripples out. I am going to have a lot of free time these next few months and when people ask me what on earth am I going to do I think "write, write, write." I love that we inspire each other! xoxoxox

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